Dating Tips for the Shy Woman. Life 101 For the Young and Young at Heart! Book Excerpt.
Dating can be an absolute nightmare for shy people. You want to meet the right person, but you're too scared to do anything about it.
Introductions-sticking out one's hand and looking another person in the eye-can be terrifying. The brain locks up as you scramble to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as you're asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat rises in your face and under your arms. You're suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to yourself, "Why would anyone care about me? I'm really not that interesting!"
Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are some tips for taming your social terror.
1. Prepare a pitch. The question, "So, Sally, what do you do for a living?" is bound to come up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a living and don't apologize for it!
2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask questions.
Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? And so on.
3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like "And what about you?"
4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you'll say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about it, how he got into it, etc.
5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile will get &em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before you leave the house.
6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard: "Nice shoes," will do it.
8. Stay on top of current events. You don't necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush v. Kerry during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less controversial issues intelligently.
9. Remember the weather! Some people have the "gift of gab," the ability to make strangers feel like they've known them forever. They are fearless about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody. People relate to them.
10. Hold your head up. It's the simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a "winner's vibe."
You're guaranteed to be a hit!
Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don't leave the house. It's just too easy to watch a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb through your bedroom window.
Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to you.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful). Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
Lesson 1.
Category
Well Being
Plan to do this.
Stop blaming others for your shortcomings and failings in life. Why should you do this?
What ever happened in the past is not a prediction of what will happen in the future. Take control of you, your thoughts, and your actions, so you may do something positive about your future life circumstances. What happened?
There have been situations where people stepped, and even stomped me to the ground, both mentally and physically. It was not until evaluating why this was happening when an epiphany happened, a clarity I never had before; I was allowing these negative people and things to occur in my life. All the time, blaming others for their words and actions, and then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. If I did not want others to take advantage of me, then I should remove myself from their presence, either mentally or physically. It is hard to say this to someone, more so to children who have no control over their circumstances, but then again, maybe they actually do have control to some extent.
Talking to their teachers, extended family, or neighbors, calling the police or child services for help is a start. How do you convey to anyone that he has the power to do anything if he does not have a strong mind and willing heart? Control your life from within yourself-it is that simple. If you do not believe you have control, then remove yourself physically from the situation. If you must remain in a situation, then cut off negative people and their actions in your mind; find a way to drown them out, as if you were tuning out commercials when watching television.
When bonus time had arrived, I overheard our supervisor telling our manager to exclude my job function from the bonus pool by transferring it to another department. Some people are mean spirited, and you cannot help them, just pray for them. I did not receive a bonus that year, allowing our supervisor to receive an even larger bonus. Everyday, as I passed our supervisor in the halls I would repeat this to myself, "You mean absolutely nothing to me, and this is only a stepping stone on the way to a greater life that God has promised me." I could not change what happened but I could change my response.
Convincing myself that it was a learning opportunity, one that would make me more humble, to learn not to react negatively to others, to learn how to ignore some people and things, and to look forward to a better future. Take this truth to the next step, and you release blame and not allow it to consume your life by dwelling on its negativity but go on to take control of your life and actions to make you a better person. How do you do this?
Changing the blame from them to me by questioning myself as to what I was doing to deserve this. Thinking it must be something I did. When I answered the question, I realized I was not doing anything. Therein laid the problem of who was responsible. Questioning, allowed me to evaluate other options I could use to change my circumstances. The options were to remove myself from the situation or stick to it but change my perspective.
Instead of hoping for people or the circumstances to change, which were unreliable anyway, take the steps necessary to circumvent the problem. Never try to change a person. Offering suggestions may help, but ultimately I have control over my destiny, rather than the molds others have set for me.
Lesson 58.
Category
Goals
Plan to do this.
Success is the best revenge!
Why should you do this?
To the naysayer, to all those who said you wouldn't amount to anything. To all those who treated you as if you wouldn't amount to anything. To all those who acted as if you wouldn't amount to anything. To those who acted as if they were better than you were. To those who thought they were better than you were. To those who mistreated you in anyway. To all those who boasted to you about themselves or their belongings. To all those who thought they were more beautiful or handsome than you were. To those who disrespected you in any form. To anyone who had an ounce of animosity towards you for no apparent reason. To those who got the better of you on a day when you were down and out. To those who kicked you while you were down and out. To those who tried their hardest to make your life a living hell. To those who abused you in any form-SUCCEED!
What happened?
We have not reached the pinnacle of success, but we are definitely on our way through the goals we have established for ourselves, and continue to accomplish. In terms of education, family, friends and financial independence, we suppose, we have surpassed many of the individuals we have had the misfortune of meeting and who were previously mentioned. Intuition tells us this has created even more animosity towards us because we did not focus on them but on the goals and dreams, we have planned and have tediously pursued. The purpose of any naysayer, otherwise known as "dream busters," is to take the spirit from those they encounter, and by not giving them the satisfaction, you are already ahead of the game.
How do you do this?
Whatever goals you have for yourself complete them no matter how stellar the performance might be, if the journey is on the road to success then do so, remembering that no dream is too big for reality. Take those steps in your life to enhance not only who you are as a person but also those around you. When the naysayer, hears of your success, he will have to, if only for a moment, reflect on how his behavior has had an impact on your life and who got the better of the experience. If success is not for you, then let it be for them-your motivation.
Caren A. Adams is a freelance writer and author of "Life 101 For the Young and Young at Heart!" ISBN 1-59457-835-4 (also in e-book format) at bookstores, http://www.booksurge.com and http://www.amazon.com mailto: amacapublishing@aol.com http://www.booksurge.com/product.php3?bookID=GPUB00869-00001
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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